On choosing

About a month ago I got over the hump in wedding planning – the hump being anxiety, occasional misery, and sleepless nights – and emerged on the other side feeling energized and excited. I like managing projects, I like throwing parties, I love my friends and family, come on let’s do this. 

One interesting outcome of this newfound positivity is that I’m really stinking excited to get married. From when we got engaged until a few weeks ago, the act of actually being wed was almost secondary to the rest of it for Mike and I. We’ve been together 8 years, we thought, marriage isn’t really going to change anything, but let’s have a lovefest anyway. Now I’m thinking maybe marriage will change our relationship, maybe it won’t, but either way I’m really looking forward to it.

A Practical Wedding, which is my soulmate blog right now and is an amazing resource of advice both practical and emotional, has a post today on facing marriage while being disappointed in yourself. The latter is, if you are anything like me, something happens often.

I thought freedom was being able to do All The Things. I thought, I think we all think, that it is the whirlwind of travel, the excitement of new loves, the state of endless possibility. But what freedom looks like after the whirlwind is over is being content in the silence…It’s being able to make a choice in the face of endless possibility.”

We don’t have to get married, any more than we have to have day jobs and take care of our cats and pay our rent. But making the choice, even if it’s the traditional, expected one, can still feel brave. When you’re overwhelmed by all that can be, the decision feels like the victory.

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